For the third episode of “Where’d You Dig Up That Old Fossil?” we travel in the way-back machine to the ’90s, to my first TV spot: for Northwest Natural Gas. I was hired by KVO in Portland, an agency I’m pretty sure hasn’t existed there for a long time. They hired me because they had $500 and I needed the experience. In return I gave them the best music I could produce at the time, in my dark, dank basement, directly from my QS8 “Classical” Q-card and my brand-new Roland JV-1080 (which I still have, use and will never get rid of). Dig that horrible “JV Strat” guitar patch!

[Dorked-Out Music Gear Paragraph Ahead!] Other production tools included an Opcode Translator ProSync for SMPTE sync to the VHS, a cool version of Pro Tools that came bundled with my Audiomedia III PCI card, and my Metro sequencing software — all running on my PowerCenter 133 Apple clone computer. Oh, and my Mackie 1402VLZ mixer.

The TV spot involved a hypnotizing electric burner that they wanted scored like Vertigo, then, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, then generally western-ish as the gas man rides off into the sunset because, y’know, he gave them gas. So that’s what I was scoring to, even though it didn’t make much sense to me and they kept rejecting versions that were more original. This was my first experience doing this thing that I love to do, where I didn’t actually love doing it.

Still, after it was done, I remember sitting on the couch, and the spot coming on TV…it felt like being a rock star. Though in an analogous scenario it’s more like being on stage and throwing my own panties at myself while I perform. But you get the idea.

Here’s the score, in all its derivative, synthy glory. Obvious apologies to Bernard Herrmann and Ennio Morricone.